My mom used to call me nećio. It means stubborn in Spanish. I don’t feel stubborn but Jesus I’m so sorry I’m such a stubborn ass. Sometimes I can glimpse of my stubbornness and I’m amazed.
I’m not just stubborn though, I think I have an even bigger issue. I don’t know how to deal with people when they don’t meet my expectations. I get frustrated and really rude. I don’t want to be that way. i end up just blaming everyone.
its so strange because my feelings are the opposite. I just want people to feel loved and appreciated. Why do I have this expectation that everyone just need to be awesome all the time?
I suppose that I often see the best in people and it confuses me when they refuse to live up to it. Who am I to think that way, you know.
The solution I jump to is a familiar one, to simply be aware of my frustrations and respond appropriately, but two obstacles prevent me. First, in the moment I am hardly aware. Second, being a creature of emotions I feel compelled to remain a stubborn ass when confronted. “I shouldn’t have to ....” my inner man says. How childish!
To be continued...